Jaspers Darlin's

Meet the Author Monday

Okay kids. This week for Meet the Author Monday we have the legendary lifelesslyndsey. Mrs. Lifeless is the author of many, many, many well known fics, such as the Jasper/Bella Mood Rings, the Alistair/Bella Hit and Run and the Peter/Bella, Once Bitten Twice Shy. I sat down with her on Skype and picked her brain a little, and that resulted in the following interview. Maybe someday I'll post the actual podcast, just so you can absorb the full awesomeness. And now, here it is, my interview with lifelesslyndsey...

Oh, and on a side note, we mean no offense to any persons living in the states of Rhode Island or Alaska.

lacym3: Where are you from?

Lifelesslyndsey: Originally I'm from Michigan. Which I normally don't admit to people. No, I miss Michigan, cause it's full of water. But whenever I say that to people here in Indiana, they think I'm crazy. But there's no water in Indiana.

Lacym3: There really isn't water in Indiana.

Lifelesslyndsey: No, there's not, there's just really big retention ponds. And people seem to think that qualify, but that's just a really big puddle. In my opinion. Anyways, yeah, I'm from Michigan, but now I live in Indiana.

Lacym3: Tell us your latest news.

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh, no, I know what's new in my life. I am getting ready to go to college. I'm signing up for classes. And if I can get a job and financial aid, but we're not going to dwell on that. For mortuary sciences. Cause I'mna be a scientist. I'm gonna cut into dead people, and embalm them. And it'll be lots of fun.

lacym3: It's perfect for you.

Lifelesslyndsey: That's what I get from everyone, followed by horrified stares, which is what I normally get from everyone anyway. So that's okay.

lacym3: Well I didn't stare at you horrified, so there's that.

Lifelesslyndsey: I'm happy. I'd be offended if you did. I'm gonna staple people. Oh, yeah, facelifts. I'm gonna take twenty years off of them.

lacym3: He looks twenty years younger! God, next question.

lifelesslyndsey: Oh yeah.

(Here, we both stop to laugh hysterically for a few seconds.)

lacym3: Why did you start writing fanfiction?

Lifelesslyndsey: Um, oh man, why did I... I'm pretty sure the first fanfiction I wrote was with Edward and Jasper, but I took it off of my fanfiction, because I just wanted to see if I could. But the first full story I wrote was Bella's Tale. Where she's a wolf, and I wrote it- I'm pretty sure I wrote it because of Shakira's werewolf song. But mainly because I had an idea, and I couldn't find where anyone else had written it and I just wanted a story about it, so I wrote it myself, which is pretty much how all my stories start. I couldn't find one that suited my needs.

Lacym3: Well you see a lot of those now, where Bella turns into a werewolf.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, and they weren't very common then. I read a couple, and I think I read one, and it was just so, I don't want to say badly done, but it was badly done.

Lacym3: You're a trend setter.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, so, Thank you.

Lacym3: When did you first consider writing your own fic?

Lifelesslyndsey: I think that it's been like two years ago now, yeah, that seems about right. I'm gonna go check. Yeah, '09. Bella's Tale was published on 9-9-09.

lacym3: Oh that's nearly 3 year ago now.

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh yeah, cause I know numbers and I can could. Apparently not.

(More laughing)

lacym3: Do you have a specific writing style?

Lifelesslyndsey: Um, I like to write in 1st person, but oddly enough I only like to write fanfic in 1st person, and only Twi fanfic in 1st person. In any other fandom I've written in, I never write in first person. I also like to write a lot of dialogue, and I know a lot of other authors don't like to write a lot of dialogue but I'm big on dialogue and I like like to write dialogue exactly how I talk, and that's pretty much how I write. Oh, and I'm big on describing words. We all know it, I'm a wordy bitch.

Lacym3: You are a wordy bitch.

Lifelesslynsey: I are. A wordy bitch

lacym3: What's your favorite genre?

Lifelesslyndsey: Humor, romance humor, I love me some romcom. That's normally what most of my own stories fall into. And angst. We all know I'm an angsty bitch, but I make it funny. Angsty funny. Tragedy and comedy come togethereth. I'm a regular William.... Shakespeare. I almost said William Shatner! **laughs** That's great, well, that too. Yeah, romcom. Moving on.

Lacym3: How do you come up with your titles?

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh man, just the randomest things, the most random things ever. Sometimes they don't even correlate with the story, which most of the time, they don't.

Lacym3: I've noticed.

Lifelesslyndsey: Sometimes I'll think up the title before I think of a fic. I've done that several times, then I'll just write the title into the story. Like my new Sam/Bella story, I just liked the sound of it, and it's totally silly. Through the Window Came the Wind. Of course the wind came through the window, it's a window! Yeah, then I wrote that, then I wrote the same story. Then I'm like, crap, I should probably fit that in there somewhere, so I did. And Bury it in Canada that story was also one, I don't know, I think I just wrote that somewhere, I think I wrote it on a post it. Then I saw it the next day, and wrote an Emmett story

lacym3: I forgot you wrote and Emmett Bella

lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, I buried Edward's hand in Canada. But yeah, most of my stories have crazy names.

Lacym3: What draws Jasper to you as a fic subject?

Lifelesslydnsey: I like that he has a background, because a lot of the characters that I write with don't have much backgrounds in Stephanie Meyer's versions, but Jasper actually does. So he's kind of a prebuilt character that's actually mailable, like you can kind of make him do what you want, but he also has that solid build already. Plus he's hot. That would be that. That's my grown up answer.

Lacym3: Are any of the events in your fics based on someone you know, or an event in your life?

Lifelesslyndsey: Once Bitten Twice Shy is heavily based, I don't like to admit it, but Bella is very, very based on me, and she's a crazy bitch in that story. But a lot of the things in that story are based on my own beliefs, and things that happened to me. Like, she mentions her medication makes her feel like she could see a kitten hit by a car and think 'oh that's sad', and that's how I felt when I myself was heavily medicated. And I'm a big believer in writing what you know, so all of my fics have a little bit of me in them.

Lacym3: What books or fanfic have influenced your writing the most?

Lifelesslyndsey: The Orbiting Meteor, I know everyone references that, but The Orbiting Meteor is what got me into writing Peter, but I think that's what got everyone into writing Peter. Catonspeed, when she was writing The Last Mile, which is the sad, endless story, or endingless? Yeah, the sad endingless story. When she was writing that I would send her snippets of Once Bitten Twice Shy and she really inspired me a lot on that and got me going on that. And we used to- she would show me things and I would show her things and we'd have like the same words and stuff and it would make us laugh because we were brain linking over the water.

Lacym3: I swear if you guys ever got together it would result in a crater somewhere in Indiana, there would just be this giant pit because the awesomeness would come together.

lifelesslyndsey: A giant pit of awesomeness

lacym3: Matter would not be able to handle it.

Lifelesslyndsey: And Me and catonspeed would live in that pit. It would be cool.

Lacym3: Let me know ahead of time so I could vacate the state of indiana.

Lifelesslyndsey: What's a state we don't need? Rhode Island?

Lacym3: Rhode Island's a useless state. Or Alaska.

Lifelesslyndsey: It's only got 11 people in it.

Lacym3: What are you reading now (fanfic or “real”)?

Lifelesslyndsey: I'm not reading a lot of fanfiction. I was. I'm reading (Terms of Engagement). I don't have any alerts right now, I read what people rec me. You know, to be honest, I've been reading a lot of Snarry. Don't judge me. Sometimes I just gotta step out of the fandom.

Lacym3: **sigh** Snarry.

Lifelesslyndsey: Shut up.

Lacym3: Snarry.

Lifelesslyndsey: Shut up.

Lacym3: I tried it, I just couldn't do it.

Lifelesslyndsey: Shut up.

I love it! I can't help it. I have a thing for older men. We all know it. It's another one I got silver foxes, then I've got ancient Gandolf foxes. I have no shame.

Lacym3: Okay, I will admit an attraction to Sean Connery.

Lifelesslyndsey: And he's really old, man

lacym3: Mmmmm... look at him in The Rock, though. When he had that long... yeah, moving on.

Lifelesslyndsey: He's aged well. Like cheese or wine. I don't know why I said cheese first. People normally just go to wine. He's aged nicely like a stamp collection. Anyways, next question.

Lacym3:Yes, next question.

Are there any new authors who've grasped your interest?

Lifelesslyndsey: Um, wow, this is right up the road with 'I've been out of the fandom' for a minute. No, but I have... stories that don't get a lot of reviews that I like. Like Spirare's story Release. But her story, I love that story and it just doesn't get a lot of reads. I whore that shit out whenever I get a chance. And you of course, but you're not a new author.

Lacym3: No, no I'm not.

Lifelesslyndsey: But I do adore you. I read all your stuff.

Lacym3: Woo!

Lifelesslyndsey: But when my readers ask me to read their stuff, I do. I just can't help it. I know that's a bad thing to do sometimes because so many people will ask you, but I like, I'll read the first chapter at least.

Lacym3: I always try to give it a go. Sometimes it end horribly, sometimes you're pleasantly surprised.

Lifelesslyndsey: I've um, I like, not co-wrote for one girl who used to read my stuff back when I was new. She asked me to co-write some of her stuff, like go through it and put my own throw on stuff. She was FurryLittleCannonballs, no, not cannonballs. FurryLittleCannibals. I haven't heard from her in forever, I should message her. She had a Jacob/Bella story I really like that was from Quil's perspective.

Lacym3: I enjoy Quil.

Lifelesslyndsey: We both do.

Lacym3: What are your current projects?

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh, goodness. Well, I have Hit and Run, which is actually nearing it's end. It's probably only got 5 or 6 more chapters, which is probably why I'm milking the crap out of it. And, it's one of those near and dear fics to me because it's the first Alistair story, the first Alistair/Bella story that I could find in the fandom. And I have through the window, which I'm really excited about it because I have like 30k written for it. Then there is the shame that is 5 seconds. It's not abandoned, because I don't abandon stories, but it is in hiatus. I do have part of a chapter ready for it, though. So, that's what I'm working on right now.

Then outside of all of that, after I get Hit and Run done, and once I start publishing 5 seconds more often and more regularly, and once through the window gets a little farther into it, I have my next Peter/Bella story which is Death Becomes Her, which just got an award on the Gem Awards which is Awesome and surprising because it's like... 5 words long. It's gonna be really cool, it's a reaper/Vampire fic, because I love me some angel Peter. But that' my next, after all the crap I've got going on, that's my next project. And then there's the sequel to Once Bitten, which will happen someday. Then there's the Embry fic that I keep promising to everyone but never happens, because I suck.

Lacym3: Which one is that, is that Awkward?

Lifelesslyndsey: Yes, what I have planned for that is a series of awkward moments in their lives. Like their first date, their first kiss, the first time he meets his dad, then their first time, and ultimately their wedding or their first kid.

Lacym3: Aww...

lifelesslyndsey: That's what I have planned for it. Yeah, lots of projects. Oh, wait, no I totally forgot, I collab with you.

Lacym3: You do collab with me. And we have how many projects have we talked about?

Lifelesslyndsey: But we're pretty good about finishing things, like the ones we have published. We have our Quil story, which is really exciting for me because it's the first Quil story I've written. And I really want to write a story for all the dudes in the fandom. I know I've got half of them tackled already.

Lacym3: Do people outside of the fandom know about your writing? If so, who?

Lifelesslyndsey: A handful of people do. My husband knows that I write it, but I don't actually let hm read it because that would be weird. I have a couple friend that I've let read a few pieces, none of the racy stuff, and just today I let my friend read Death Becomes Her, which is a relatively innocent story. But not a lot of people do, I keep that to me. Mainly because I write a lot of porn which would be difficult to explain. But, I've met a lot of my friend that are on the outside of the fandom now through the fandom, like you. And plus luvmesomejasper and SweetT129 and mommybrook. Now you're outside friend, not the inside friends. Wow, I made you sound like a puppy.

Lacym3: It's quite alright.

Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?

Lifelesslyndsey: Sometimes I just get stuck, I get writers block. I'll write this huge awesome cliffy, and then, I'll have worked the story up so much that I'll get stuck. I won't know where to go from there. And keep up that awesome momentum, and I'll get writers fright more that writers block. Wait, what was the original question? I forgot.

Lacym3: **laughs** Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?

Liflesslyndsey: Yeah, writers fright.

((Here, we're interrupted by Mr. Lifeless, so that he can talk to Mrs. Lifeless about the Lost Boys. And then Mrs. Lifeless pulls him into the interview for a question....”

lifelesslyndsey: How do you feel about me writing fanfiction?

Mr. Lifeless: Scared?

Lifelesslyndsey: Does it creep you out? I write porn. Sometimes I write gay porn. How does that make you feel?

Mr. Lifeless: Makes me feel like we should be having more sex.

((End Mr. Lifeless's involvement in the interview.))

lacym3: What are your top five fics?

Lifelesslyndsey: Of my own, or other peoples?

Lacym3: Other peoples.

Lifelesslyndsey: Man, such a hard question. Because it changes, you know? I like Spirare's Release, catonspeed's The Last Mile... these are not in order... I actually had to look at my favorites list... I love Mr. Horrible by algonqurnit. I love Mr. Horrible so much that I left her the most ridiculous review. Cause I was so excited by her ridiculous fic, and I remember one point I said that I wouldn't eat her kidneys over noodles. And she messaged me back and she said that she actually wanted to use one of my earlier comments in her description of the story. And I absolutely love Vermillion.

Lacym3: Which I will finish.

Lifelesslyndsey: And I absolutely love your zombie one.

Lacym3: Which I will also finish. God, I suck.

Lifelesslyndsey: Those are just the first that come to mind. But Mr. Horrible will always stick with me. And I think I love it the most because of the absolutely ridiculous reviews I left for it.

Lacym3: What do you do to overcome writer's block?

Lifelesslyndsey: I have a lot of things. I have a system sort of. The first thing I do is when I feel myself getting, when I feel it coming on. Because I can tell when I'm starting to drag ass, and my plot is starting to drag ass and it takes me forever to write even 10 lines, that it's, I'm having issues focusing, which is my main problem, so instead of trying to force myself to focus, I just switch to a different project. Which is why often I have 25 different documents open.

The first thing I do when I know that it's coming, is that I switch to something completely different. I switch to the whatever story I have open that is the most different then what I'm working on, then I work on that for a little while. Then I change font. I know it sounds completely ridiculous but changing the font makes me physically look at the story different. Those are the first things I do, and they normally work. The font thing really helps. It's a two part system

lacym3: Two step program.

Which of the Twilight Saga books is your favorite? Least favorite?

Lifelesslyndsey: I like New Moon. It's probably my favorite. Which is probably why 80% of my fics start there, because it's such a clean area to start, it's easy. It's definitely the easiest place.

And then book 4, which I will not even bother to name, does not exist to me, with it's freak mutant little baby. There is no book 4. It doesn't exist. It's the book-who-shall-not-be-named. It's the Voldemort of books to me.

Lacym3: Okay, this is a loaded question, but do you read or write for any other fandoms?

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh yeah. I like Wincest.

Lacym3: Wincest. Good lord. Make me shudder.

Lifelesslyndsey: And Shirley007 says, 'For shame, Lyndsey, for shame.” But you know what? She ships angels together, and they're all brothers. So... I do ship, I do write some Supernatural fic, none that's been published, and I do like to write Harry Potter fic, but none that's been published. But I can say that I do have a fully written fandom crossover of S/HP written, Harry/Gabriel slash. And it's on my livejournal. So those are my main fandoms, Twilight, Supernatural and Harry Potter.

You know, now that I think about it, when I was younger, I used to read stories and think of how I would change it, and I didn't even realize that I was writing fanfic back in the day before I even knew what fanfic was. Which I thought was pretty cool.

Lacym3: Is there any genre or paring you won't read?

Lifelesslyndsey: I don't read, or write, anything that doesn't have Bella in it, unless it's slash. I don't read femmeslash because I don't like vaginas. I don't even like my own vagina. But I like dicks. I like dicks so much I like to read about two of them in the same place. Genre wise I'll read almost anything, but unless it's slash, I don't read anything that doesn't have Bella in it. I only ship Bella. When people ask, I'm Team Bella. But not that bitchy Bella, not the annoying Bella.

Lacym3: Not cannon Bella?

Lifelesslyndsey: No, but almost, I think cannon Bella had a lot of potential, it was just wasted on Edward. But she had a backbone, and it flared up sometimes. It was peaking. It was like a baby bird ready to be birthed, but then she stayed with Edward. That's why Twilight ended for me when he left her in the woods. Nothing happens after that unless I wrote it or someone else did.

Lacym3: Do you have any plot bunnies begging to be written? Can you share?

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh my goodness. That's a loaded question. Probably like a list of them somewhere. On my computer that was stolen I had hundreds of fic, I actually wrote an entire Jasper/Bella. I don't even remember what it was about.

Lacym3: I edited it, and I don't remember... it started in the meadow.

Lifelesslyndsey: Its like a 70k word story and I don't know where it is, I don't remember what it was about. And it was finished and it was Jasper/Bella. Um, my most recent plot bunny Sam/Bella that I'm writing now, that started just with, I wanted a really strong Sam. I wanted a Sam that was completely opposite of my Sam in Alpha Fail. And, I'd really like to write another Jasper story. I don't have enough of him, because I only have one of him.

Lacym3: You do have another Jasper story, you have 5 Seconds.

Lifelesslyndsey: Oh yeah, I guess that is a Jasper/Bella. For the most part. I won't reveal anything. Where it is right now, it could end up anywhere. Plot bunny wise I just have the Reaper story, and holy shit, I have to check my profile page. It has my plot bunnies on there. Oh, no it just has Reaper.

I guess I just have... uh, words, they fail me. For Once Bitten Twice Shy, I want to write a story that had Anna and Micheal in it as Bella as Peter. And Gabriel, there will be a lot of Gabriel in the sequel. But it will also have Jake and Leah's daughter whose name will be Belinda after Bella, and I'm thinking of sticking her with jamie, Bella's younger brother. I guess that's my biggest plot bunny right now. I think I may sell plot bunnies for a dollar, or is that making money off fanfiction?

Lacym3: Yeah, I think that's technically making money off fanfiction.

Lifelesslyndsey: I wanna make some money, okay? Selling my ass for a dollar is only going to make me so much. It'll probably only make me a dollar.

That answer was a mess, man.

Lacym3: What inspired you to write Mood Rings?

Lifelesslyndsey: I had just read something, I don't remember what I had just read, I think I just wanted a story where Jasper came back but no one else did. I think I was in a shitty mood, because Bella started out really, really depressed in that fic. And I really wanted one where she killed herself and he changed her. Inspiration wise I just wanted to write a Jasper- I think I had just read, it was some fic where Bella was an angel and so was peter.

Lacym3: Oh, An Imperfect Love.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, I had just read An Imperfect Love, and it's nothing like Mood Rings but I had just read that and it made me really want to write a Jasper/Bella, and I had just read Control by KittyCullen03 too, and after reading both of those I just really wanted to write a Jasper fic.

Lacym3: Okay, last one. Tell us about any other hobbies you have other than writing.

Lifelesslyndsey: I craft, I craft a lot. I like to sculpt and I like to sew. Recently I've taken to baking, I love my kitchen aid mixer, okay? I love my Kitchen Aid mixer like a second child, because saying that I loved it like a second child would be bad parenting. It has a name. What the hell did I name it?

Lacym3: God, you told me but I can't remember. I think it started with a D.

lifelesslyndsey: My computers name is Gertrude, isn't it?

Lacym3: Your mixers name is Nora.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, that's right. Or is my computer's name Nora? Oh my god, I forgot my children's names!

Lacym3: I think your computer's name is Nora and your mixers name is Gertrude.

Lifelesslyndsey: I forgot my children's names. Oh yeah, my bread maker doesn't have a name, but I know it's a boy.

Okay I guess that might be another hobby. I collect kitchen appliances. I love them. Earlier today we were discussing my Hello Kitty waffle iron, toaster and coffee pot.

Lacym3: Which was your husbands before.

Lifelesslyndsey: Only the toaster.

Lacym3: Still.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, that's true. We've already seen his input, he's not really a man.

Lacym3: Oh God.

Lifelesslyndsey: I always tell everyone that there might be a vagina behind his ball-sack, on his gouache, or his taint, or whatever it's called. Because I was his underwear. I know how well he wipes.

Lacym3: And again, Oh God.

Lifelesslyndsey: My man is a harry man, okay? There could be some vagina action up there, but we've already discussed how I feel about vaginas so why check?

So yeah, crafting, baking, I do like to make banners. I'm a little bit of a banner whore, so I guess photoshop is another hobby. Yeah, that's it.

Lacym3: You make magnificent banners.

Lifelesslyndsey: I do. Wow, that was a little vain. I like making them. Photoshop was like opening up a whole new world to me. I was making banners in paint shop before.

Lacym3: Okay, any final parting comments?

Lifelesslyndsey: Uh, um, wow, what a way to put me on the spot dude.

Lacym3: You're welcome.

Lifelesslyndsey: I don't think we really need a parting comment, I've already aired my laundry. We discussed my husband, my dislike for vaginas, my addiction to kitchen appliances.

Lacym3: William Shatner.

Lifelesslyndsey: William Shatner who is not William Shakespeare. Yeah, I think we've throughly embarrassed me.

Lacym3: Oh, don't be embarrassed.

Lifelesslyndsey: I'm almost never embarrassed. I announced angel porn in the middle of a 7 year old's birthday party.

Lacym3: My 7 year olds birthday party.

Lifelesslyndsey: Your 7 year old's birthday party.

Lacym3: In front of my grandmother.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, well, you know what? She's a serial killer. So I don't care.

Lacym3: She is.

Lifelesslyndsey: She frightens me.

Lacym3: She's freaking nuts.

Lifelesslyndsey: Yeah, she's crazy. She's crazy wearing a french twist and a petticoat.

Lacym3: I think, that in secret, she sucks the life out of babies.

Lifelesslyndsey: She bathes in the blood of virgins.

Lacym3: Yes.

Lifelesslyndsey: This an excellent parting comment.

Lacym3: How did we end up on the subject of my grandmother?

Lifelesslyndsey: Cause I announced angel porn in front of her, but she's a serial killer, so I didn't care.

Lacym3: She steals baby's souls.

Lifelesslyndsey: She eats puppies for lunch.


Some interviews, they're like weekends in Vegas...

Next week's interviewee, SweetT129, until then, adieu.


OMG LMAO *flails* ..... *dies*

we should do it again.

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