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Dear Jasper,

There's this girl I really like but she's into someone else. The problem is this guy is a real douchebag and lays it on real thick in front of her, but then when she's not around he jokes about her and it really makes me angry. How do I approach the situation without making myself seem jealous or petty?

I really do care about her and don't want her to get hurt, but I'm afraid she will no matter what I do. Please help me!

Confused In Love


Dear Con,

Take your girl aside and tell her exactly what you’ve told me (including that YOU like her, because if it comes out later, she’ll accuse you of being a jealous asshole). Explain to her how he acts when she’s not around and that you do not want to see her hurt. Either way, she will be hurt, but you can save her the excruciating pain of finding out later after she is the “last to know”. From there, be patient. She may not be ready to jump into anything with you. Be her friend, give her a shoulder to cry on, and prove yourself to be the better man.

Confoundedly,
Jasper


Dear Jasper,

I have a dog who I love dearly and who is a wonderful pet in every way except one. She well potty trained, she is good with children and other animals, and has a very sweet temperament. Her one issue is that she eats shoes. My shoes suffer and so do my daughter's. The dog even goes into the closet to take out my husband's shoes to chew on.

We simply cannot seem to break her of this destructive habit! Do you, as a vegetarian vampire and strategic planner, have any advice for us?

Thanks for any help you can provide!

Sincerely,
Barefoot at the Beach





Dear Bare,

Does the dog have enough toys to chew on? Perhaps a rawhide or a favorite bone? If not, then you should invest in a few and any time you catch her chewing on shoes, divert her with the appropriate toy and she will (hopefully) learn what is acceptable to chew on. If not, then I suggest all shoes be tucked safely off the floor in the closets and the closet doors be closed at all times.

Hungrily,
Jasper


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