Jaspers Darlin's: Dear Jasper

So maybe I have a bit too much fun with this segment... I may not want to give it back to Gem when she comes back... but I am nothing if not honorable and I know I'll hand it back over. I have to say, I'm enjoying all the personal time with the Major. He makes me laugh... among other things. So this week, we have two questions that had us both all over the place for the answers. Thankfully, we were in agreement, but still... oy! Read on!

Dear Jasper,

I was at a friend's party the other night and accidentally walked in on two guys making out in a room upstairs. Instead of being embarrassed I was really turned on. They didn't seem to mind and let me watch. It was the hottest thing I've ever seen. Since then I have spent hours trawling the web for gay porn and reading stories about young men fucking each other. I love it. Is there something wrong with me?

Yours,
Worried Miss H

Dear Worried,

I’ve never understood why it’s OK for men to think it’s hot for two women to make out or fuck like rabbits, but the minute a woman sees the sensuality in two men doing the same, it’s considered wrong. The fact of the matter is that there is simply no “right” or “wrong” in this scenario. Some people like chocolate, others like vanilla, and some people get the blended soft-serve at the machine, if you catch me. As long as YOU’RE OK with it, there’s no reason to be worried.

P.S. Quite honestly, I enjoy seeing both two men and two women enjoying each other, and if I had my way, I’d just pump the world full of lust and turn it into an orgy.

Dubiously,
Jasper

Dear Jasper,

I have a HUGE crush on a guy I work with. At a company party we got a little tipsy and ended up making out in the supply closet. Now things are weird between us. I still really like him, but I'm not sure if he really likes me or if his actions were fueled by an abundance of liquor. How can I fix the weirdness between us and find out what he's thinking? Do you think Edward could help me out with his mind-reading abilities?

Sincerely,
Freaked Out

Dear Freaked,

Well, I went ahead and asked Edward what he thought, but sorry to say, he’s completely opposed to the idea. In his words, “Only a douchecanoe would take a lady to a supply closet to make out”. Mind you, I’m not exactly sure he knows what making out is, but I’m getting off-topic here.

Now, from where I sit, there could be two reasons why he’s avoiding you. One, as you guessed, is that he might’ve been fueled by too much booze and regrets it. The other is that, while fueled by too much booze, he feels incredibly guilty and embarrassed by the chosen locale. He might even think you feel it was a mistake.

So here’s what I propose: Casually suggest the two of you go out for lunch to talk about what happened and dispel the weirdness. Tell him you understand the conditions were not ideal, and that it probably would not have happened had liquor not been involved. Take his lead from there. I’ll be waiting in the wings (yes, I know who you are… Edward did tell me that much) with my brother Peter… and if I get so much as a tiny little buzz of anything other than pure, unconditional love, Peter will kidnap him and turn him into a peenicorn. How’s that?

Placatingly,
Jasper